How do you know who to trust?

(Viddler Screwed Old Users by deleting all their videos, so no video here 🙁 )

Who to trust?

You always hear stories about people who get screwed over by their friends that they trusted. How do you prevent such from happening to you? Here are a few principles.

If someone behaves shadily to someone else, they will eventually do that to you too

The key to knowing who to trust is not how close they are to you, but what their core values are. When there are no zero-sum game going on between you, it’s easy to be friends. However, for some people, once they can get some advantage by screwing you over, that becomes an obvious choice.

If you have a friend who often talks about how he tricked someone else, even though he told you because you are buddies, you have to be careful of his later on. On the other hand, if your friend is always talking about how to help others, then even if you are not as close of a friend, you can trust them more.

This is like judging if you want to date/work with someone based on how they treat waiters and waitresses. If they treat you will, it just means they want something from you, but you can evaluate they true personality by how they treat others.

Careful of those who just talk about making money

If you are working with someone who just talks about money all the time, you should be careful. In their minds, making money is one of their high priorities in life, and even though working with them as partners might get you to gain a lot, it also means that there are chances that they will screw you over for a big enough paycheck. If a person always talks about “creating an impact” or “changing the industry” then you have a better feel of what motivates them and you can trust them a little better.

There is nothing wrong with wanting money or working with people that just want money. However, it’s a good red flag to raise before you completely get screwed over by someone who has been treating you well for three years.

Build your reputation with trust

In the same way, you want to build up your reputation with the right values too. If you are always talking about making money and showing off how you ripped off some stupid person, not only do you sound sleezier, but overdoing that will cause people to trust you less. Idealy you don’t want to ever be shady and do thing with integrity, but either way, you don’t want to promote that part of your personality to people.

Rather sound altruistic and naive than too materilistic and calculatey. A lot of people would want to work with you if they think you are easily tricked, instead of thinking that you are out there to trick people. Traffic vs Actual Traffic

In the social media sphere, most people use as a nice standard to evaluate the popularity of a site. Sure, there’s Alexa and a few other sites out there that measure traffic too, but lately I’ve mostly been hearing people talk about traffic instead of the other ones.

Quantcast offers more accurate data because it is actually based on scripts that is embedded in these sites, but because of that, the sites it covers are also limited.

How evaluates traffic evaluates each site’s traffic by a sample group of roughly 2 million internet users (what they say is 2% of all internet users) based on ISPs, ASPs, Opt-In Panels and the Toolbar.

Through some complex statistical calculations, they roughly estimate how many people really go on your site from this sample group.

Continue reading Traffic vs Actual Traffic

I have not been touched like this for a long time

This is a short clip titled “Validation”. Its about 16 minutes long but I think every minute is worth the watch (I rather you watch it instead of read this blogpost).

This film touched me because I felt a lot of empathy towards the guy, as I have always tried to make others in my life happier. When I was in kindergarten, I felt that because people around me (especially my family) were living such sad lives, I had no right to be unhappy.

Empathy towards a guy who had no right to be unhappy

I had to be happy, because peoples’ happiness depended on me. When everything is falling apart in life, I at least would be that pillar of happiness that holds everything together. Consequently, whenever I cried during my childhood, I felt ashamed and hid from others.

Today, my friends say that I’m one of the most optimistic people they know. They tell me that talking to me makes them happy, no matter how down is the situation. They also say that I am extremely emotionally stable, and that’s because I do not want to ever be an emotional burden to others.

I need to be the one who is calm and happy when others are down. If I ever become emotionally unstable and need others to help me feel better, I feel that I not only failed in my responsibilities, I have become a burden to others.

My goal in life is to make others successful, and its like a sharp blade through my heart whenever I know I’m being a burden to people instead.

People who seem happy all the time would still appreciate the right to be upset

But the truth is, sometimes I do become upset.

Sometimes I feel that people take advantage of my constant attempts to put others before me, and I occasionally would express that unhappiness to people.

The sad thing is, whenever I do express such unhappiness, people are not used to it coming from me, and they become very defensive, asking “what in the world is your problem?” When people confirm my sad belief that I have no right to be sad, it depresses me even more.

Why should the child who cries all day get whatever he wants, while the child who also wants to cry but recognizes that her parents already have enough troubles in life for them to worry about her get nothing? And when she finally can’t stand it and starts to cry about something, her parents will not understand her unnoticed pains but just become angry at her for raising more problems (she should know better!), while they appeal to the other child who cries all day.

Continue reading I have not been touched like this for a long time