Networking: Finding the Common Interest
Most networking advice tells you to “find common ground.” But what do you actually do when you’re standing in front of someone you’ve just met and have zero idea what they care about? The answer is simpler than most people think, and it has nothing to do with business cards or elevator pitches.
Good networking is not about collecting contacts or sounding impressive. It is about lowering the emotional risk of connection. If reaching out to someone new feels intimidating, that is usually just the Harmless Dragon in your head. The real upside comes when you approach networking like building allies over time, not chasing short-term transactions.
⚡ Speed Run Notes
- The safest universal starting point is shared comfort. Food works because it lowers pressure and makes conversation feel human.
- Great networking is influence without posturing. If you want to become genuinely influential, focus on trust before status.
- Ask about the person before the profession. Curiosity creates better conversations than credentials ever will.
- Never fake enthusiasm. Honest interest builds far more goodwill than pretending to know things you don’t.
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About the Creator of the Octalysis Framework
Yu-kai Chou created the Octalysis Framework after studying gamification since 2003 — years before the term entered mainstream vocabulary. As a Human-Systems Architect & Behavioral Designer, his framework has been applied by LEGO, Microsoft, Porsche, Coca-Cola, Salesforce, and MrBeast, impacting over 1.5 Billion Users.
Chou has taught the Octalysis methodology at Harvard, Stanford, Yale, Tesla, Google, BCG, and IDEO.
His work has been cited by Harvard, Stanford, MIT, Forbes, Wall Street Journal, Wired, US Department of Energy, NIST, NSF, NCBI, US Department of Education, ClinicalTrials.gov, and Google Scholar — with 3,700+ more academic publications. Explore his books here.
The Universal Common Interest
A common interest is simply something two people both care about — a shared topic, activity, or value that gives a conversation somewhere natural to go. When you already know what someone enjoys, the starting point is obvious.
Maybe you both like golf. Maybe you’d both like to visit a museum.
But what if you don’t know what the other person likes?
In that case, there is a pretty universal common interest: food. It happens that most people like food. So it’s pretty safe to invite this person to a good restaurant when you don’t know enough about them.
If the food is good, timing works, and maybe you’re treating them (and it’s worth it), most people wouldn’t mind grabbing a meal and talking to you.
This connects to Core Drive 5: Social Influence & Relatedness in the Octalysis Framework. We are naturally motivated by social connections, mentorship, and a sense of belonging. A shared meal creates exactly that environment.
Treat People as People, Not Titles
When you are talking to a new professional, make sure you don’t put too much focus on their professional information and forget about the personal things in their life.
It doesn’t matter if they’re highly successful people. They’re still people.
Until you show that you care about them as real human beings instead of their titles, you will have a hard time building a true relationship. This is what I call Human-Focused Design: designing interactions around people’s feelings, motivations, and insecurities, instead of just optimizing for functional efficiency.
The best networkers I’ve met don’t ask “So what do you do?” as their first question. They ask about someone’s weekend, their kids, their latest hobby. The professional stuff comes up naturally when the human connection is already there.
What to Do When You Don’t Share Their Interests
If you know the person likes something that you don’t, do not lie and pretend you like it. You’ll lose any sense of credibility very soon.
Instead, you could reveal that you don’t know much about that topic but you’re interested to learn about it. That’s a powerful way to have a good conversation without needing much knowledge of the subject.
Most people love explaining and teaching things they are passionate about, as long as you can keep yourself from drooling. This taps into Core Drive 3: Empowerment of Creativity & Feedback. When someone gets to share their expertise and see your real interest as feedback, it creates a rewarding loop for them.
Beyond having an open mind to learn, caring about the other person often helps you become more interested in subjects they’re passionate about.
If you know what makes people smile, your day will turn out much better.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the best way to network with someone you just met?
The most effective approach is to find a shared interest, and when you don’t know the person well, food is a universal common ground. Invite them to a good restaurant. The relaxed atmosphere makes real conversation easier than any conference booth or LinkedIn message.
How do you build real relationships through networking?
Focus on the person, not their title or company. Ask about their personal interests, their family, their hobbies. People form lasting connections with those who treat them as human beings first and professionals second.
What should you do if you don’t share the other person’s interests?
Never fake interest. You’ll lose credibility fast. Instead, be honest that you don’t know much about their passion but are curious to learn. Most people enjoy teaching what they love, and your curiosity is more valuable than pretended expertise.
How does behavioral design apply to networking?
According to the Octalysis Framework, networking success relies on Core Drive 5 (Social Influence & Relatedness), our innate desire for connection, and Core Drive 3 (Empowerment of Creativity & Feedback), the reward people feel when sharing their expertise and receiving real interest.
Related Reading
- Brainstorming: Red Flags and Light Bulbs
- How to Become Irreplaceable in Your Company
- How to Inject Social Influence and Relatedness into Your Life
- Who Should You Network and Build Allies With?