Table of Contents
- Tips to Building Alliances in your Life Game
- The Art of Following Up
- Finding Common Ground
- Horizontal vs Vertical Networking
- Regularly Lend a Helping Hand
- Be Positive. Be Productive
- Spread Positivity: A Smile Goes a Long Way
- Stand Out: Do MORE than you “need” to do
Author Credibility: Yu-kai Chou
Yu-kai Chou created the Octalysis Framework after studying gamification since 2003 — years before the term entered mainstream vocabulary. As a Human-Systems Architect & Behavioral Designer, his framework has been applied by LEGO, Microsoft, Porsche, Coca-Cola, Salesforce, and MrBeast, impacting over 1.5 Billion Users.
Chou has taught the Octalysis methodology at Harvard, Stanford, Yale, Tesla, Google, BCG, and IDEO.
His work has been cited by Harvard, Stanford, MIT, Forbes, Wall Street Journal, Wired, US Department of Energy, NIST, NSF, NCBI, US Department of Education, ClinicalTrials.gov, and Google Scholar — with 3,700+ more academic publications. Explore his books here.
Tips to Building Alliances in your Life Game
From my earliest days in the professional world, I was introverted, even a little shy. The idea of engaging with others, especially strangers, was nerve-racking.
Stepping out of my comfort zone was something I struggled with. But life had other plans, pushing me toward situations that demanded I develop my networking skills.
This shift was not immediate, nor was it easy. It took time, practice, and a healthy dose of courage. But once the transformation began, the results showed up in ways I could have never predicted.
Networking links people together, opens up opportunities, and creates space for growth. You don’t fully appreciate its value until you’ve felt the impact yourself.
In my 10,000 Hours of Play framework, I call this Step 5: Build Your Alliance. Your network is one of the most important assets in your life game — and it is deeply powered by Core Drive 5: Social Influence & Relatedness.
My own life has been shaped by the connections I’ve built. They pushed me toward real growth, unexpected opportunities, and personal development I didn’t see coming.
Looking back, the networks I’ve built over the years have shaped who I am today. Every new connection unlocked a world of possibilities.
Each handshake, conversation, and shared experience contributed to my professional and personal growth. These interactions opened doors, broadened my perspective, and gave me a sense of community that goes well beyond work.
In the following sections, I’ll share specific moments where networking made a real difference in my life. My hope is that you’ll see what networking can do, and start building your own alliances.
The Art of Following Up
Saving your contacts’ information is just the first step. The part most people overlook is the regular check-ups.
Think of it as a friendly catch-up rather than a corporate obligation — a chance to touch base every six months or so. Each contact is unique, and your relationship with them varies. Customize your check-in frequency accordingly.
Engaging with your contacts should be casual and personalized. Start with warm openings like, “Hello! It’s been a while, hasn’t it? What’s new and exciting in your world?”
Show genuine interest in their activities. Ask about their business progress, hobbies, or personal projects. Make the conversation about them.
Not everyone is naturally talkative, and some may be guarded, especially if the relationship is still new. In those cases, break the ice by sharing something from your own life — recent experiences, pursuits, or plans.
This signals that you see them as friends, not just professional contacts. Gradually, they’re likely to open up.
If the conversation gets tough, don’t worry. Share a story, end on a positive note, and make sure the call was mainly just to say hello.
Initiative is the driving force in maintaining relationships. Show your contacts that you value their presence and sincerely care about their well-being.
Confidence and optimism are your allies during these conversations. Whether they share wins or struggles, be supportive — compliment their successes, and encourage optimism during hard times.
Persistence is key. If a conversation doesn’t go as planned, don’t give up. Keep working to strengthen that bond.
Finding Common Ground
When planning to meet a contact — whether a newly met professional or an old friend — finding a common interest can make the encounter much better.
Shared hobbies, interests, or even favorite food can provide a pleasant backdrop. Food is often a safe bet. When in doubt, inviting your contact to a well-reviewed restaurant is a great choice.
While professional details matter, don’t lose sight of the personal side. Regardless of someone’s professional stature, they are people first. Showing care for them as individuals will expand your network far more than any business card exchange.
Honesty is paramount. If a contact is passionate about something unfamiliar to you, don’t fake knowledge or interest. Instead, admit you’re not familiar but express curiosity to learn more. This keeps your credibility intact and creates better conversation.
Knowing what brings joy to your contacts makes networking easier. A brighter day is often just a conversation away.
Horizontal vs Vertical Networking
The most common strategy for growing your professional network is broadening your circle — what I call “Horizontal Networking.” This means constantly meeting new people and extending your reach.
But there’s an often-overlooked approach that’s equally effective: “Vertical Networking.”
Vertical Networking is about empowering those already in your network. Help them climb to success, and the collective strength of your network grows with them.
You don’t need them to return the favor directly. The fact that you’ve contributed to someone’s success can open doors for you down the line.
Sincerity is paramount. If each of your contacts thrives, whether as a CEO or a high-profile leader — you’re surrounded by a network of success.
Regularly Lend a Helping Hand
One simple principle can expand your network more than anything: offer help. The foundation of networking rests on mutual support.
This is especially true for relationships that are still early. When you help people you don’t know well, it says a lot about your character. It shows that you care about others’ welfare rather than viewing them as stepping stones.
Helping others should never be transactional. Abandon the idea of expecting returns. View the act of helping as a reward in itself.
You may quietly acknowledge that your assistance creates goodwill. But the minute your actions become driven by what you’ll gain, your sincerity fades, and the impact of your networking shrinks.
In schools or workplaces, there’s often a misguided belief that helping others hurts your own success because of competition. I disagree.
Life is full of opportunities waiting to be discovered. Even if your help propels someone else to the success you wanted, that’s still a win. You played a part in their achievement, and they’ll remember that.
Consider this: imagine a group of people stuck in a deep pit, all trying to climb out. Instead of joining the struggle, you decide to boost a friend to the top.
Now that they’re out, they can reach down and pull you up. Help five people, and you’ll have five pairs of hands reaching for you. You’ve earned their appreciation and positioned yourself among successful people.
This is Core Drive 5: Social Influence & Relatedness — a key pillar of the Octalysis Framework — at its best. When you help others succeed, you create a web of mutual loyalty and support that benefits everyone.
Jesus Christ said in the Bible, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” In networking, nothing rings truer.
Be Positive. Be Productive
Networking is a balance of give-and-take where you offer your help and care, hoping for similar support in return. But to build a successful network, confidence alone isn’t enough. You need to back it up with real value.
You might not be an award-winning academic whose research has reshaped a field. But you should be contributing in your own way.
What counts is not where you currently stand, but the direction you’re moving. A person who decides to rise from their current situation — committing to productivity, learning, and making a difference — instantly becomes more valuable as a connection.
To add value to others, you first need to do something valuable with your own life.
Spread Positivity: A Smile Goes a Long Way
A simple tool that can boost your networking: a smile.
😊
Yes, emoticons have their charm in digital communication (and I hope you’re smiling now!). But in face-to-face networking, you have the opportunity to use your real smile.
A genuine smile is more than friendliness. It’s a reflection of your confidence and a signal that you’re enjoyable to be around.
It also subtly says that you could offer help or cooperation in the future, creating a welcoming entry point into a new relationship. But authenticity is key. Make sure your smile is real.
As you step into the world of networking, remember to bring a resolve to be productive, contribute value, and carry an authentic smile.
Stand Out: Do MORE than you “need” to do
Regardless of your position or experience, there’s a principle that can boost your professional reputation: doing more than what’s expected.
In many workplaces, I’ve seen people who quickly finish their assignments and then spend the rest of the day browsing the internet. If someone can finish their work that fast, it means they have capacity beyond their current role. Wouldn’t it be smart for others to see that?
Consider two employees: one finishes work quickly and plays games online, while the other finishes steadily and then seeks out extra responsibilities. Who gets the promotion or referral?
Despite this obvious logic, I’ve seen countless people complain about stagnant careers.
The key insight: completing your assigned tasks is just meeting the baseline. Anyone in your role should be able to do that. Your real value starts where your formal responsibilities end.
When you take on extra tasks willingly, you go beyond your job title, whether that’s “Teller,” “Operating Director,” or “VP Marketing” — and make your name stand for initiative and diligence.
This applies outside work too. If your peers see you as capable and hard-working, you’ll be the first person they think of when opportunities come up. By going beyond what’s required, you build your reputation and widen your network at the same time.
Related Reading
- The Octalysis Framework for Gamification & Behavioral Design
- 10K HP Step 5: Build Your Alliance Network
- Networking: Finding the Common Interest
- Who Should You Network and Build Allies With?
- Books by Yu-kai Chou